Conversations with me

"stop being the bad guy Pao, stop being the bad guy."
I heard this echo in my soul.
"Don't be like him and don't hurt the ones around you."
the voice wouldn't give up.
"you are better than this Pao, so much better."
I held my breath and could not hold it any longer waiting for the voice to go away.
"now you are like him, now you have hurt someone and maybe beyond repair. are you happy?"
I cried with this very thought. I hated myself so much I could not bear the sight of myself past or much more present.
"what can you say or do to make this better?"
I heard them all over again.
"does this satisfy your curiosity?"
I screamed "stop it!" in my mind.
"I should stop? you do this to yourself."
I had no answer to the voices reply that motioned me to breakdown.
"For a brief moment you were human and yet, you were less human and more animal for that moment.
My tears would not stop, my tears could not stop.
"I know your sorry, but what now?"
I had no reply. More tears.
"stop, pick yourself up, start over."
"you make no sense." I said.
"I don't think I ever will. I am you after all and I only make sense if you want me to."
"then why can't you make sense when I want you to?" I screamed at the voice.
and what came next was silence. Cold dark silence.

Timing is the key

As I spoke with mom on the phone I suddenly remembered that my Ninster was heading to the states for a short vacation and then it happened. if you know me then you know that there are not very many ideas that come through my head, ok maybe there are, but I doubt that setting fire to a drum full of oil and pushing it down a flight of stairs just to see if there's an explosion would count as a bright Idea. Maybe I should have just said that I don't get too many bright ideas? Anyway I come down with this Idea. . . have Mom meet the Rodriguezes. Though my Mom lived 2 hours away from Danas point I called her every chance I could get just make sure that she got to meet them. That my mom would get to meet the people whom I've been calling family for 2 years now. The people who make me miss my family, the people whom I care for in the absence of my own family and I'm sure even with my family present, The people who help me in more ways than one.

So off goes Nin and Family to the U.S of A for 3 weeks while I stay in Manila.
I on the other hand keep on asking mom on when the meet up would happen.
Then one faithful day Nin messaged me. "we're meeting your mom tomorrow at 3pm."
and so they did.